List list list list LIIIIIST! June 26, 2010

Oh hey! List time!

Awesome:

1. Mum found me singing songs from Seussical the Musical in my sleep last night.

2. It’s almost time for our play! Eeeek!

3. You sly dog!

4. Next week at YTU is Spirit Week. Tuesday is Nerd Day, and instead of dressing up like everyone else will (glasses, suspenders, etc.) I’ll do something only a true nerd would understand. Carry around a towel, maybe?

5. I’m gonna see Cate today and take her and Thea to see Kick-Ass.

6. I’m gonna see Cate today.

7. I’m gonna see Cate today.

8. Crazy Musical Theater Steve drank a whole bunch of soda yesterday and was really hyper.

9. Not caring about the world cup thing.

10. This conversation on Facebook:

Daisy has yarn, needles, and a pattern. And now? I am going to make a Jayne Cobb hat. Hoo! ha! Nerdfighters!

Rees: I’m ordering his blue sun T-shirt!

Daisy: Oh my God I love you. <3

I have the best friends.

Bizarre:

1. The dream I had last night in we were spies and Cate and my YTU friend Abi had to pretend to be newlywed lesbians and I had to convince these other spy people that just because I have a lisp and like musicals doesn’t mean I’m gay. Heheheh. Story of my life. XD

Unawesome:

1. Allergies.

2. Cate! Wake your lazy gorram butt up now and GET OVER HERE!

Life Update, Sudden but Inevitable betrayals, and more rap! May 20, 2010

Oh hey! Guess what I have for you today? Well, no. Not a Darren e-mail. But I do have another rap (this time it’s to Thea, from me)!

Daisy:

You know that Thea is the coolest

If you’re a jerk, she could be the cruelest

Yeah, you know she’d chop off your face with a axe

‘Cause she’s not so good at c-c-comebacks

But that’s all right, you see

‘Cause she’s Th-Th-Th-Th-Thee…

A. Thea. Not… you know? Screw this.

Bookwormdaisy out!

I’m not very good at rapping.

In other news, the demons might not be so demonic after all.  London and Gracie came over to hang out yesterday. True, they have frighteningly little knowledge of Shakespeare’s genius,* but they seem pretty nice. I’m assuming the reason they were acting evil that one day was the third girl (I think her name was Nadaine)’s mystical, devil-like influence. But I’ll be on my guard and keep you posted.

In even more news, I’ve started watching Firefly for the first time. I’m only on the second episode, and I already love it. Kaylee is so awesome! Mal is so hilarious! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal (I love Wash)! It’s funny watching it after seeing Dr. Horrible ’cause Mal and Captain Hammer are both played by Nathan Fillion, who, for the record, is supremely magnificent! River totally reminds me of the Hybrid!

Awesome: Apple juice! Apple juice! You and me in Japan. Watch me dance.

Unawesome: Nothing!

*”What did you guys do in school today?” “We watched half of Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet.” “Hamlet?” “Yeah, you know… Shakespeare? To be or not to be? Screw this.”

Motherfrakkin’ yo yo yo! May 10, 2010

Oh hey! As everyone in the entire freaking world probably knows, yesterday was Mother’s Day. I didn’t post a sappy, happy post about how much I love my mom because I was busy hanging out with my mom… ’cause it was Mother’s Day. Also, I always talk about how much I love her. ‘Cause she freaking rules. And I got her a Bo Burnham (don’t click on the link unless you have headphones on-very, very not safe for work) CD instead of like, flowers, or whatever responsible children give their mothers. Oh yeah, baby.

In other news, the other day Thea e-mailed me with an awesome rap she wrote. I promptly wrote back, she replied, etc. I haven’t rapped back to her latest e-mail, but I’ll keep you posted.

Wanna hear some raps? (P.S. All spelling/grammar errors are from the original versions. I’m not editing.)

Thea:

Daisy’s so awesome she’s the star of the stars

smart enough to build a rocket to go to mars

Only sometimes does she have a problem with a fraction

*whisper* and sometimes its funny to see her reaction

But man that don’t matter at all you see

Because she’s awesome. bookworm. Da-a-a-a-is–yyy

Daisy:

Thea is awesome, she’s the best friend evar

She’s environmental, won’t go ridin’ in a car

She’d much rather take her rollerblades

And she’s too responsible to want to have a maid

Well, okay, maybe she doesn’t like to fold her clothes

But she’s super awesome at math, she never says, “Oh no!”

She’s the bestest, she’s better than the restest

She smart, so she’ll beat all the testests!

That was supposed to be like “test”

Not testes

That’s kinda gross!

Penis.

Okay, so my rap sort of fell apart there at the end

But Thea won’t care ’cause she’s a freaking awesome friend!

Thea:

-Cough-

Yo, yo, yo, yo.

LISTEN UP YALL

Here’s a little rap about friend

whos awesomefullness you can’t possibly comprehend

Here sweet little name is a flower, (Daisy!)

what she make me like (C-c-c-c-CRAZY!)

YO, YO, YO, YO

and heres a list of things thats shes good at

writing, fighting, and petting a cat.

reading, succeeding, not being a brat

loving, shoving, somehow not being fat

you walk by her shed say “I’d tap that.”

hurting herself in so many ways

running into walls then passing out in a haze

always using the correct phrase.

(BITCH IM IN A CRAZE)

Yall better love her or ill come to your door

knock you out with a baseball bat and staple you to the floor

put your hand in warm water so you wet yourself

cover you with hollandaise and sell you to a elf

yo, yo, yo, yo

This is McThea out YALL!

Daisy:

Thea is the best friend in the world

She’s a stellartastic friend, and a pretty cute girl

I mean that in a platonic way

‘Cause I’m down with that, but I’m just not gay

She’s good at numbers and fractions and math

She’ll stab you to death if you invoke her wrath

She can draw like DaVinci, paint like O’Keefe

She’s kind of a ninja, but she’s not a thief

If you’re mean to her, then I’ll punch you in the face

Stab you and smear your guts all over the place

I’ll shiv you right here if you make fun of her

‘Cause she’s so nice to me, oh yeah, for sure!

Thea:

I’m not down with you hating on my friend

and if you do it will be you who I end

’cause I love Daisy in a special way

but I can tell you right now that its not gay

and if you hate on her

ill cut you in a blur

ill slice your neck so fast the blood comes out blue

yea I’m sayin’ this to you

so to all yall haters heres a warning

you won’t live to see the next morning

cause Daisy and I will go ninja on your ass

and through the seventh level of hell you will not get past

cause you committed to many sins just for hating on Daisy

hopefully being in hell will make you crazy

and yes I know I already used that rhyme

but who fraking cares its a couple of lines

So if you hate my friend Daisy

don’t let your senses get to lazy

cause you’ve been warned

and if you do you will be scorned

and killed

by me

FOOL!

Daisy’s notes: The “somehow not being fat” thing in Thea’s second rap is a reference to how I eat a lot and am, surprisingly, not morbidly obese. And the “hurting herself in so many ways running into walls then passing out in a haze” is about how I’m a klutz and I get hurt a lot. Also, it is supposed to be McThea, not MC Thea.

Awesome: Charlie freaking McDonnell. Oh my God. How have I not watched any of his videos before? He’s awesome. And he has an English accent. Squee!

Also awesome:Oh my God, they’re making Scott Pilgrim into a movie. Starring Michael Cera. Yes yes yes yes yes.

Also also awesome: I made a video today! Finally! Yay! I’ll post it on my YouTube channel soon.

Unawesome: My stomach hurts ’cause I ate like, five pounds of pizza.

In which I am attacked by demons, sort of. April 28, 2010

Oh hey! Yesterday, I had no reason to think that anything particularly adventuresome would happen, and I was fine with that. I spent the morning reading and writing, and at about noon I went to the library, where I stayed until like, three. I checked out Plain Janes, Plain Janes in Love, and The Bermudez Triangle (which, for the record, is the only Maureen Johnson book I haven’t yet read. Almost done, though!).

When we got back to Thea’s house, I holed myself up in Thea’s room and read both of the Plain Janes books. Then, I started panicking when I realized that ohmygod the play is tomorrow aaaagh! So I got my script and started trying to practice and not get distracted by the shiny, shiny computer screen. This proved difficult, as there are so many distractions on the interwebs. After a while, Thea came into the room and asked if I wanted to play outside with her. I declined, being as I was being all dramatic and “Oh my God play play aaack, drama drama drama!” and also being as it was so windy outside I was a bit worried of blowing away.

After a while, I finally got some practice in and agreed to play with Thea outside. Turns out she had a few neighborhood friends with her! Yay! They seemed like nice kids, even if they thought I was “hilarious” because of all of my anxieties, a fact they exploited. One of them, named London, was about Thea’s age, although really short and tiny. There was an even tinier one who was about nine and so freaking short and I assumed she was London’s sister because they looked so much alike. Her name was Gracie. The third girl was named Nadaine and I don’t know how young she was, but I’m thinking she was maybe older than Gracie but younger than London, and she seemed absolutely convinced that Justin Bieber’s voice is so squeaky because he hasn’t had his period yet.

We played happily on Thea’s tire swing for a while, except for the time when Thea was pushing me on the swing and I wasn’t looking because I was dizzy and then I accidentally kicked Nadaine and London. That sucked. Also, I was all dizzy and the branch the swing was on was all creaky so I was screaming about how I was going to die, and little Gracie was all, “No, you’re not going to die,” which was very cute but also sort of shaming.

After a while, they decided to play a game called Pants! I added the exclamation point, but I’m pretty sure it was implied. This game involved two teams, Team One being Nadaine, London, and Gracie, and Team Two being Thea and me. During this game, everyone on Team One tried to pull the pants off of Team Two, and vice versa, only Team One decided it would be better to leave Thea alone and gang up on me. This was mildly humorous for about thirty seconds, but quickly commenced into me running around the outside of Thea’s house while evil demon nine-year-olds chased me, making my knees hurt and my pants fall off. Thankfully, Thea is a wonderful, merciful friend, who tried valiantly to save me.

After a while, they gave into my pleas for a truce and we all sat down on the grass. I was trying to be friendly, because it’s sitzpinklery* to be mad at kids much younger and smaller than you just for trying to have fun. I suggested we play Truth or Dare, because as long as I stuck to Truths, they couldn’t hurt me, but they weren’t buying it. I know, you might think it’s lame to be scared of kids who are both younger and much, much smaller than you, but 1. I’m not known for my physical strength, and 2. As you will soon see, these are super-powered devil children.

After a while, they seemed to think it was funny to start throwing grass down our shirts (“our” being Thea’s and mine). If this has ever happened to you, you will know that it’s actually not funny at all. It’s mean and itchy and if you wear a bra the grass gets stuck in it and you look hilarious pawing around in your shirt for grass.

Thea and I giggled and asked them to stop, which they seemed to think was extra hilarious. They continued to assault us, shoving grass down our shirts and pants and underwear. Apparently, though, I’m much more fun to torture, because they seemed to completely forget about Thea. I don’t know why, maybe it was just an, “Oooh! We can actually beat up the paranoid geek with man-hands! Right on!” but whatever it is, it was like freaking fuel for the devil-children. They pinned me down on the ground and started simultaneously shoving grass down my clothes and pulling off my pants.

By “pulling off my pants,” I mean that they were ripping off my knickers like some savage bears. It was all kind of a blur of pain and humiliation, but I’m pretty sure two of them were pulling my pants in one direction (and not down, mind you, they were pulling them against my hips) and the other was pulling my underwear in the opposite direction. I figured that I could be humiliated thus far, but I wasn’t going to let them take my underpants. I screamed, “JUST DON’T TAKE OFF MY UNDERWEAR! LEAVE MY UNDERWEAR ON!” which seemed to fuel their pursuits. They kept ripping my drawers off, and I remembered yelling, “You’re gonna rip my pants! I like these pants!”

Thea was sitting there on the ground looking horrorstruck and grass-covered, so I screeched, “THEA HELP ME THEA GET THEM OFF MEEEEEE!” She grabbed the one who was pulling my underwear and tried to pull her off me, which at first succeeded in making me feel even more like I was being drawn and quartered. However, being the magnificent and loyal person she is, Thea somehow managed to get them off me. I can only imagine she used a mixture of ninja-moves and Jedi mind tricks, but I don’t even recall. I thanked her profusely, stood up, and, with as much dignity as I could, said, “Well, ladies, this has been lovely, but I’m going to go now.”

I ran inside, humiliated sore, and tired, and locked myself in the bathroom where I proceeded to take off my clothes and empty them of grass. This took about five minutes, and, to make it worse, I started hearing the ice cream truck. It was playing “When the Saints Come Marching In” very cheerfully, and I felt personally insulted, like the ice cream truck was singing, “Haha, you’re cleaning grass from your tank top and yooouuuu can’t get ice cream!” It felt vaguely like the entire cosmos were turning against me, but I finally managed to clean the grass up and walk dejectedly out of the bathroom. Kim met me in the living room with an urgent, “The ice cream truck is here fast fast fast!” I thanked Kim quickly, grabbed my duct tape wallet, and went outside where I paid the ice cream man two dollars for a delicious Batman-shaped ice cream with gumballs for eyes. I smiled at the ice cream man like he had just told me I won the lottery.

Thea, Nadaine, Gracie, and London were outside, eating their ice cream. I went back inside and ate my ice cream until Nemo came to pick me up. I told him the whole extensive story as I finished my Batman ice cream. When I was done, all he said was, “Ah. Gang up on the nerd day again?”

P.S. I didn’t even mention the part where they came inside and grabbed the laptop, where my most recent post was proudly displayed on the screen. “Swordguns and Prostitutes?” one of them asked. I felt like saying, “Sweetie, you don’t even know what that word means,” but I didn’t.

Awesome: Maureen Johnson!

Unawesome: Um, getting drawn and quartered by your own pants.

*See what I did there, John Green fans?

At least you’re not responsible for the Zombie Holocaust. April 26, 2010

Oh hey! Sometimes, it’s fun to play a game I like to call “Best Case/Worst Case.” I know that sounds a lot like Best Day/Worst Day from Looking For Alaska, but I assure you, it’s nothing like that.

Whenever I was worried/nervous/excited about something, Mum would always ask me, “Well, what’s the worst that could happen?” I appreciate that this was supposed to make me feel better, but I have a very vivid imagination so it would always end with me sobbing something incoherent about homelessness. Thusly, I invented Best Case/Worst Case, because it makes me laugh and laughing always helps.

First, I imagine the worst that could happen. Then, I imagine the absolute best thing that could happen. Then, I imagine what would probably happen. Here’s an example.

I’m pretty nervous about the play I’m in on Wednesday. Best Case/Worst Case time!

Worst Case Scenario: The day of the play, I’m asked to fill in for a role because someone couldn’t show up, and  I forget all my lines and then I get distracted because I’m forgetting all my lines, and then I fall on my face and I start crying and everyone laughs at me and my reputation is forever ruined and then I go crazy because everyone hates me and I decide to kill all of humanity by inventing a zombie disease that turns everyone into zombies and everyone turns into zombies and I realize that I killed everyone and I’m depressed and then I kill myself.

Best Case Scenario: I’m totally freaking awesome and I don’t forget any of my lines and then my teacher Kelby says that a college called her and offered me a full-ride scholarship and then in a few years, I go to the college and I’m absolutely awesome and I have a boyfriend who invents a jetpack and then woohoo! Jetpack! And I fly into the sky on my jetpack and then I write an awesome book and also I’m a really awesome actress, and then yeah.

Probably what will happen: I might forget one or two of my lines, but it’s okay because all the lines I have are lines I say with other people, so no one will notice, and I might trip and fall, but it would probably be funny, ’cause one time my friend Rhea was in a play and she bowed and her wig fell off and it was hilarious and after the play was over, she was all, “Oh my God, did you see that? That wasn’t supposed to happen.” Only it totally looked like it was supposed to happen because the play was funny anyway and it totally looked awesome. So maybe I fall, but it would be funny, and then I finish the play and get all happy and glowy on the inside and there are group hugs all around and yaaaaaay!

After I play Best Case/Worst Case, I realize that I don’t even want the best case one to happen, because I’d rather have the life I have than have a genius jetpacking boyfriend. I suppose the moral should be “Be happy the way you are,” but really it’s “At least you’re not responsible for the Zombie Holocaust.” Or maybe it’s both. According to An Abundance of Katherines, it’s fine to have two morals in a story, so yes. Be happy the way you are and you could always be responsible for the Zombie Holocaust.

Awesome: Thea created a new blog, which you can find at msinsanity.wordpress.com. She’s still editing the layout and stuff, but you should check it out ’cause she rules.

Unawesome: The number of run-on sentences in this post. C’est la vie.

Tired and Pantsless and Dancing April 25, 2010

Oh hey! I know, I know, I completely forgot to blog yesterday. Sorry. I guess this isn’t technically Blog Every Day in April anymore, but I will try to blog every day in April from now on.

I just finished reading a book called Spacer and Rat by Margaret Bechard, and I totally recommend it. Super duper awesome.

So today, I went over to Thea’s house for brunch ’cause her mom, Kim, is awesome and likes cooking and parties and stuff, and it was pretty fun! My friends Lila and Meredith were there, along with their friend Baylee (yeah, that’s actually the spelling) who was very nice. We played Hide and Seek a little bit (yrsh. Don’t judge) and then we played Truth or Dare because we’re twelve-year-old girls and that’s what we do. I really should’ve learned by now that bad things happen whenever I play that, but whatever. I still had really fun, despite the fact that they made Thea and I take off our pants and Michael-Jackson-dance in the middle of the street. Um. Yes. I actually did do that.

Okay, so I’m lazy and tired and I’ve been staring at this page for like, an hour, so adios for now! And now, here is Nemo with your awesome/unawesome.

Awesome: The Buddha.

Unawesome: McDonald’s Hamburgers. (I’ve actually never had one, but this is Nemo’s choice for today, as is the Awesome.)

I’m a Happy, Happy Drama Queen. April 22, 2010

Oh hey! Warning: This post is mainly me gushing about my awesome drama class friends, but I wrote some classic “OhmygodKaraThraceRulesZombiesAreAfterUs!” material in the end.

So, as I may have mentioned before, I love acting. I’m a bit of a drama queen, which is why you get posts like this. Therefore, it might not surprise you to know that I take drama classes at out state’s lovely old university whenever possible.

I have had some of the most fun experiences in my life at YTU (short for Youth Theater at the U-creative, huh?). I always go to the summer classes, which last about three weeks. Last year, I got to be in Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. The year before, I was Helena in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The year before, I was in a play completely written by my teacher called Death and Tupperware.

I had, however, never gone to the other classes-the ones in the spring and fall. They’re generally once a week for a few hours in the evening, and this year, I thought, “Why not? Sign me the frak up!”

So I signed the frak up and started taking an acting class every Wednesday night with a group of kids around my age. The teacher’s name is Kelby, and she’s super super nice.

I already knew some of the kids-some from the summer session, and some from other places like school. Thea and Ruth take the same class I do, as does my friend Robin, who I met in the summer session three years ago.

Now, I don’t know if you know many theater people, but let me tell you, they can be pre-tty interesting. Our class is comprised of mostly girls and two boys, one named Nathaniel, and one named Mark. I’d venture to guess that Nathaniel is eleven or twelve, and Mark is the youngest kid in the class and has an uber-short attention span. Nobody really notices, because we’re all hyperactive and huggy, which is one of the many things I love about YTU. There’s an easily excited girl named Kitty, there’s a girl named Kylie I think I used to know, there’s a girl named Ainsley who always wears knitted hats. And they’re all super nice. And those aren’t the only kids in the class, I was just using them as examples.

This year, we’re doing an adaptation of a Vietnamese folk tale called Toad is the Uncle of Heaven, which is about the animals on Earth having a drought and going to the King of Heaven to ask for rain. To be honest, when I first realized we were going to be in a play with talking animals and weather gods, I was a little bit apprehensive. I was all, “Whaaat?” I was more used to plays with people. I wanted to die and cry and sigh and fling myself across the stage dramatically like I did in Midsummer.

And then? Our play turned out to be ridiculously fun. I got cast as a dying flower (see? I did get to die after all!) and a Hound of Heaven, which is basically a glorified wolf who gets to fight. Thea got cast as the Rooster, and Ruth plays one of the Guards of Heaven.

Last night was one of our final rehearsals (the play’s next Wednesday). I was scared that we’d forget all of our lines and mess up.

Turns out that we had an awesome rehearsal. I don’t know if that’s ever happened to you, but let me tell you, it makes you happy. I’d relate it to drinking or something only alcohol is disgusting and from what I’ve heard, the drunk happiness only lasts a while, if at all, whereas the kind of YES-WE’RE-AWESOME high doesn’t end with puking all over or getting a headache or angrily emailing someone. True, it might end with sweaty disgustingness and extreme thirst and rug burn on the foot from dragging yourself across the floor like a wolf, but that’s bearable.

So basically, I wrote this ridiculously soppy post and  now I don’t feel like myself so here’s a nice dose of un-sappy Daisy for you:

Oh hey! Guess who’s awesome?

Galen Tyrol.

Also? Karl Agathon. Also? Kara Thrace.

Ooooh shiny! Shiny robots! Shiny robots are gonna kill us all!

Awesome: Suuuunshine!

Unawesome: Ebola!

It’s like I’m living in a horror movie I’ve never seen. April 20, 2010

Oh hey! Nothing much has happened since yesterday. Mum, Nemo, and I hung out and ate dinner. Nemo got a new issue of National Geographic. Every time they come out with a new issue, they give five geography trivia questions to answer, so Nemo decided to quiz me and Mum. I don’t remember the questions, but I remember I absolutely failed. I kept answering with place names like ”Caprica” or  ”Candyland” or, to mix it up a bit, “Aerilon.” We then proceeded to go on a walk, where I freaked out when we strolled down Elm Avenue, because “Isn’t that that street in that one horror movie I’ve never seen?

Mum: No, that’s Elm Street.

Me: Well. That’s close enough for me.

Then, a while later, or maybe it was before that, I can’t remember, we were walking by someone’s house when all of a sudden SCREEECH! Some kind of terrifying noise rent the air! I actually don’t remember what it sounded like, but it made it sound like we were about to get murdered. When I glanced up, I saw someone in their bathroom moving the shower curtains, which is what cause the noise, I’m pretty sure. But still.

Mum: Well, that actually sort of sounded like Psycho. *makes stabbing motions and noises*

Me: I’ve actually never seen that movie, but yeah, you’re totally right.

Pretty much, I’m living in horror movies I’ve never seen. Balls. That’s not good.

Awesome: This. This is frakking interesting.

Unawesome: Getting hit in the head with a dodgeball. That was another contribution of Thea’s.

This probably doesn’t make any sense. April 19, 2010

Oh hey!

What is the deal with Apple Jacks?

This morning, I ate some Apple Jacks, and I was thinking, “This is some good cereal!” Then I looked at the box. My gaze was met by some sort of evil, devil-spawn creatures, staring back at me.

What kind of messed-up advertiser creates creeptastic mascots like the Apple Jacks ones? Seriously! Those things look like they’re going to kill you!

Look! One of them is like, a cinnamon stick, and one is an apple, but their eyebrows are all funny and they’re scary and evil.

Is that not enough proof?

Evilevilevilevil.

It reminds me of the time The Bloggess decided to write a story about sexy teenage cereal monsters. Only different. This all makes sense in my head, but it probably doesn’t sound that good in real life.

So, nothing much is new with me. Since I last blogged, I finished re-re-re-re-reading Paper Towns, but that’s pretty much it!

Awesome: Battlestarbook.

Unawesome: I asked Thea what to write here, and she said, “AIDS.”  So. AIDS are unawesome.

This was probably way more exciting in real life. April 8, 2010

Yesterday, Thea and Ruth and I decided we would make cookies.

Actually, Thea’s brother Miles asked us to make them, because he “never gets cookies when we make them.” Apparently. I think he’s had some before, and also he’s always all negative and “Ohhhh, your cookies are going to suck! Blah blah blah!”

But whatever. I like making cookies. Cookies are fun to eat, and I feel productive when I make then, ’cause I should be cleaning my room and stuff but cookies are a tastier substitute.

I’ve made cookies at Thea’s house before, so you’d think maybe I’d learn that making cookies there is like, a thousand-hour ordeal. But I thought, “You know, whatever! This is going to be fun!”

And it was. It certainly was fun, but there were, uh, challenges.

First of all, you should know that all the appliances in their house are sort of ancient. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but keep it in mind.

Getting all the ingredients together wasn’t very hard at first, until Thea saw the food coloring.

Thea: Food coloring! Yes! We’ll dye the cookies!

Me: Dye… the chocolate chip cookies?

Thea: (sounding slightly offended) Yes.

Ruth: How about we dye some of them?

Me: Yeah! Let’s color only some of the cookies!

Thea: But- whatever. What color? I vote for green.

(Note that the only colors we had were green, red, and blue.)

Me: Blue!

Ruth: Um… blue.

Blue cookies it is.

There were many complications, but none worth mentioning until the brown sugar. The brown sugar was ridiculously clumpy and hard and im-frakking-possible to pack into a measuring cup, so Kim suggested that we microwave it with a little bowl of water next to it to moisturize the air or something. I don’t know. So we put the sugar in the microwave with the little bowl of water right beside it, though Kim suspects someone mistakenly put water in the brown sugar bowl.

What happened next can only be described as a small explosion.

I don’t quite remember what happened, only that Thea screamed so I looked at the microwave and she had opened the door and there was a bowl of crazy brown-ness inside, and really, it looked like the brains had been blown out of it. The sugar-substance was all poofed up like a souffle, I think, but I don’t know quite what a souffle looks like. There was brown goop on the entire left side of the microwave (Ruth took a picture on her phone but accidentally deleted it.).

I screamed. Ruth looked at it and screamed.

Me: KIM KIM KIM KIM WE BLEW IT UP!

Kim ran into the kitchen and just started laughing and laughing. We scraped the brown sugar goop out of the inside of the microwave and vowed to get a new one. Quite anticlimatic, but it was exciting while it lasted!

Turns out the only functional electric mixer-beater-thing they had was from the frakking seventies, but at least it worked. Sort of. One person had to stand by the socket holding the cord at exactly the right angle for it to actually work. Whenever Thea wanted me to pull the plug or turn it on, I tried to make her say “Engage!” or “Make it so!” to make me feel cool. She did. Once.

Thea was mixing the dough and she told me to turn it off, so I started trying to pull the plug out.

The issue was, she had already taken the beater out of the bowl, thinking it was off. Dough. Flew. Everywhere.

After a while, we had everything cleaned up (for the most part). We put the blue dye in some of the cookies and put the first batch in, but after about a minute it was clear that they were all butterily gross and soggy and messy.

We added flour and put them back in. No joy. I flopped down on the ground, exasperated (literally-I’m dramatic), and Thea threw that batch away and added more flour to the other ones. The now-melted chocolate in the first messed up batch had turned the dough brown, but I was like, “Whatever! It’s just, like, um… double-chocolate-chip!” Thea said they looked like dog crap.

That was when we noticed that our blue cookies were looking decidedly, um, green. Sort of mossy green. Mossily delicious. We were probably the only ones who would ever eat them. But that wouldn’t deter us.

Then Miles walked into the kitchen, and we explained the abnormal cookies. He was annoyingly silent and probably all negative, so I may have yelled stuff like “YOU WILL TRY THE COOKIES AND YOU WILL LIKE THEM, NEGATIVE JERK! THEY ARE DELICIOUS! THEY ARE GOING TO BE AWESOME! NAYSAYER!”

Not much actually happened from then until we finished. The “double-chocolate” ones were looking less weird. The green ones were… um… still green, but they actually tasted delicious, if I do say so myself.

Miles tried them, as did Max and his girlfriend Sunshine. They liked them. Freaking naysayers.

Awesome: “Don’t Unplug Me” by ALL CAPS.

Unawesome: Getting cookie dough on the walls.

P.S. OhmyGod I finished Will Grayson, Will Grayson. LOVE.